When baby is born you have a rush of people checking in and sending gifts and occasionally some of those will ask what they can do to help.
Amazing right? But...it can be hard knowing what to suggest in those moments, especially when you are tired and overwhelmed, and may have never had to rely on anyone like this in adulthood.
No fear, I have compiled a list of things that those people can do for you. They won't suit everyone, and that's fair enough but some of these could be the perfect fit for a relative or friend who wants to make a difference for you when you have your newborn:
Cook and drop off dinner
Bring you some finger food or a drink with a straw while you are feeding
Give you a shoulder/foot/hand/head massage
Give the kitchen or lounge a once over
Put a load of laundry/the dishwasher on
Tidy dishes etc on the draining board away
Put some bottles in the steriliser
Accompany you to an appointment or for the first time you go out on your own with baby
Pick your other child/ren up from day care or school
Entertain or make tea for said child/ren
Hold baby while you nap/shower/clean your teeth/eat a hot meal
Restock nappies/wipes etc
Send you good podcasts or tv series to watch
Pick up some groceries for you on their way over
Pay for some postnatal support like a postnatal doula, nutritionist, sleep consultant or breastfeeding counsellor
If the person coming round to see you genuinely wants to help you in some way, then let them, and they will be happy to be guided in this. If they love you they will want to help you, full stop. Maybe one day you'll be able to repay the favour, or maybe you already have.
I know that I should have been more explicit in what I needed. But I didn't have one of these lists! Also note how only one of these mentions them holding the baby. Their visit shouldn't be all about the baby. You have been through an enormous transition in your life, and you may be feeling emotionally and physically sore. Do not feel guilty about asking for help, and certainly do not ever feel like you should have to do it on your own.
Expectations on new mothers today are ridiculous and completely unreasonable. Surround yourself with people who get it, and who know what you are going through even if they don't know how to help you. You can tell them how!