Setting boundaries in the postnatal period

New parenthood can be a vulnerable place to be - not to mention exhausting and confusing at times. Whether this is your first baby or not, the newborn stage can stir up a vast array of emotions, and your recovery will take time too.

During this period, you might find yourself surrounded by well-meaning visitors eager to meet the baby. But many new parents fall into the trap of trying to keep everyone else happy, often placing their own needs at the bottom of the list.

Introducing boundaries is an act of self-care, not selfishness. You deserve to protect your newborn bubble - along with your mental health and peace of mind.

Setting boundaries with friends and family can completely reshape your postnatal experience. It gives you the space to focus on bonding with your baby, resting, healing, and adjusting to this new chapter at your own pace.

It allows you to spend time doing what you're supposed to do during this precious window: establishing feeding, learning your baby's cries and temperament, and just being together. Boundaries help you prioritise what matters most - without rushing to please others.

You only get this time once with your baby - make it yours and speak up when you need to.

Examples of Common Postnatal Boundaries

• Limiting or delaying visitors.

• Asking people to message before they pop round.

• Saying no to holding the baby, or asking visitors to wash their hands when they arrive.

• Asking visitors to help (bring food, do the washing up, etc).

• Gently declining unsolicited advice or comparisons.

• Protecting nap time or feeding time from interruptions.

  
  

How to Communicate Boundaries Gently

If setting boundaries feels unfamiliar or uncomfortable, you’re not alone. Here are some ways to make it feel a bit easier:

• Use “we” language where possible e.g., “We’re keeping things quiet for the first few weeks.”

• Share your decisions with confidence but kindness.

• Use simple text templates or signs (e.g., “We can’t wait to see you, but we’ll be in touch when we’re ready for visitors.”)

• Enlist a partner or trusted friend as a “boundary buffer.”

• Create a signal or code word with your partner to use when you’d like visitors to head home.

  
  

If Someone Doesn’t Like Your Boundaries...

That’s okay. It’s not about them, or anything they’ve done wrong. It’s about protecting your space, your rest, and your baby’s wellbeing. Remind them it’s very early days, and things will likely feel different soon.

Boundaries Aren’t Rigid

You can absolutely change your mind. If you feel like company one day and need quiet the next - that’s completely okay. Your needs matter, and they’ll shift from day to day. This is your journey, no one else's.

As I always say to my clients: trust your instincts. You know yourself and your baby better than anyone. Do what feels right for you.

You’ve got this. And well done.